SAD FRIDAY

Just now i went to church as usual..
the difference is this coming sunday
im going to perform a song with the choir members..
as a pianist..
this song..i learnt it since last year about september..

I went to church..
Jesmond went there too..
He helped me a lot today..
Emm..today we planned to practice 2 songs..
one is the song im practicing the other is Jesmond's song..
but..we dint achieve our aim tonite..
we only succeed to practice my song..
we missed Jesmond's song..
the reason is..im a LOUSY pianist..
I dint play well tonite..
the song i practiced for MORE THAN HALF YEAR..i dint play well..
wad for practiceing it?!
even Jesmond's sight-reading was better than me..
who practiced for so long..
wad a terrible shame..!!!

well the conductor knew that i was nervous
'cause i played the wrong notes and
keep shaking my head whenever i ply the wrong notes..
diu lian arh~!!!!!!!!!!
we practice n practice n practice..
my timing was not accurate..
Jesmond helped me..by clapping his hands and counting the beats..
if tonight he was not there..wad am i going to do?
cry??shout??or wad?i myself have no idea..
maybe i will run away from them?thats wad i think now..

at last..the conductor really cant stand it..
He keep on telling me..
"dun nervous..play properly..dun play the wrong notes again"
then i still play wrongly..
'cuase of my timing..
Jesmond dint help me to count that time..
but later,he helped me again..
he play the notes with me..
together..
then i was least nervous..but..
this Sunday he wont be there beside me!
wad am i supposed to do?!
i failed to understand.
why Jesmond plays so well and yet the teacher asked me to play it..
it was a contrast..
Jesmond the genius and Me the bodoh-est girl..

this reminded me of the first time i play on stage..
that was a total failure..
and i cried few weeks over it..
whenever i play the piano..there sure to have mistakes..
except two times..
the other times..always wrong..
im a total idiot..

after that..the conductor surrendered..
he asked miss Yun Feng to help me..
the only time i dint play wrongly is when i play the songs for her..
she was a great conductor + teacher~
i liked her very much..and she comforted me..
at last~!
i cried..
cant stop my tears when she came..
cant tahan anymore..
really sad and hopeless..
if this Sunday i play like this..
i wont ever dare to play on stage again..
she also helped me a lot..
especially my timing..
she thought Jesmond was my brother..
then after asking properly..
the she know tht we were just friends..

Jesmond saw me crying..again..
it was not embarrasing this time..
i mean..
i dint feel embarassing to cry in front of him..
stressed??or i just dint think abt it..
that time i cant even breathe properly..
i just shen hu xi n tremble there..
i cant stop crying..
i simply just felt that im very useless..
the key for my song was D major..
D major..imagine..D major!!
i cant play well even it was just D major?!!
then wad for i practice so long??!!
I cant practice there..
I just asked Jesmond to play for me..
I just listened n cried..
everytime i play the songs..
there always were errors..
Why?!
i think it was because i dint put much effort in it?
or wad?!!!

nvm le..just sad abt it..
now ok le..
talk back to 8.00pm yesterday..
long time din c Jes..
felt quite weird..
but luckily..
dint quarrel..still frens..
still talk to each other..