16-7-2011

sitting on the chair

facing the laptop

in my own study room

how long have i not done this?

i guess ever since last yr ba..

ever since mt laptop spoilt

then,

we stopped MSN-ing

we stopped webcaming

we stopped facebook-ing

since then,there's a gap between us..

you're getting busier and busier..

with your work..

and your work is always more important than me..

i longed for holidays

cz thats the only time i can meet you

"hey,who are you again?Im sorry im quite forgetful."

"owhhh,you harhhhh..i remember asking your name last time rite?(:"

"HAHA..sorry la..that time i thought you're my fren's fren mahhh.."

"umm okayy,bye! :D"

the next day..

"hey, :D..how are you?"

"just came back from school (:"

"what's your chinese name?"

"impossible you dont know your own chinese name one rite?Dont play play larh,tell me (:"

"LOL,why need to wait till tomoro then you baru can tell me your name?=.="

"ei?how come yesterday no need to work de?ok lor.."

"ohh,okayy..after work then you find me lorh :D"

"my number is 016-8948024" [now 2011 no use le larh :D]

still remember these lines?

everyday we chatted and texted..

i stay awake till 3 am,to wait you finish your work..

but in the end you fell asleep on the sofa and had backpain..

then one day,you asked me..

"josephine,ni cai wo zhui de dao ni ma?=o="

you sad that i looked like form 1 kid that time (:

all these bittersweet memories..

why i just cant forget all abt it?

first two months,everything is sweet..

like kids,having fun with words..

until nov 23 in 2009,we went to tun jugah..

nov 24,we celebrated my birthday..

you wore black shirt and walked from Tun Jugah to Sarawak Plaza that time..

and i wore a blask jacket+shirt..

we spent our time roaming about..

nov 24 you wore grey shirt and i wore a pink dress..

we dine at hut chicken..

mum stalked us..

HAHA,and warned me not to fall in love with you..

but its too late..

by the time she says that,we just officially on-ed..

she should have warned me earlier..

perhaps i wont feel like this now..

after reading those short stories from www.sharing.com..

i cant stop myself from having flashbacks,from crying..

you know? from the first 2 months till the 15th month,our love is constantly changing..

changing ino what i dont know..

but it certainly mixed bitterness into it..

remember i went to AUS for a month

when we cant text

cant meet?

we online chat! we emailed..

i stay awake till 12 something midnight in AUS just to wait for you to come back from work

although i stay in AUS,but my time is still using the MALAYSIA's timing..

you still text me although im in aus,though i cant reply..

you say that you play dough with ahma,until your whole face white white,like a cat..

and you even typed MEOW MEOW there..i laughed alone..

as time passed,

you changed,I changed,our love changed,EVERYTHING changed..

for one whole year of 2010..

we met only 3 times..

we quarrelled..

i remember.. on 1st of JANUARY 2010,you broke with me..(:

the reason you gave me is : i love you too much

the very next day,you regretted..

and chased me back..

i accepted you..

but ever since,we quarrelled alot..

you told me..distance is the main problem in relationship..

i say to me,its not..

and you proved to me what you have said is true...

6 months not see-ing you,i trusted you..

i believed in you..

i have faith in you..

but you let me down....

2011,february 24..you broke with me once again..

after the october crisis..

you told me that we're not suitable,im not good enough for you..

i accepted it and dint try to hold you back that night..

cz im tired..

after the school sport's day..

after falling sick..

i just let you go..just like that...

after the fact sank in to my heart..

i started crying..started to defend our so called love

and you say you would consider it..

i wonder how could you hurt me like this..

until now,today..

5 months passed dy..i'm still crying when i thought of you..

you know?

that day when Lovely Luii told me that you had a new girl before you broke with me..

you know my reaction?

i defended you! and i told her off..

but in the end..i was wrong..

you did found yourself a new girl..

and from that second onwards,i promised myself to forget about you..

to delete you from my life..

i tried countless ways,and i ended up like this..

HII ZHAO HONG! do you know that i'm mentioning you??!!

it has been 2 days i dint talk to you..

ever since you made me cry that night..

you never know what i want,what i need!

everyday,last time till now,you only can say

i believe in miracles when you know exactly miracles wont happen

you say its okay,its only 4 months from now..

and you never think far!

in your mind,you only think about present,about now,about this very second!

you say "yi hou de shi yi hou zai shuo"

you got many yi hou issit?

maybe its good for us not to contact after all (:

your birthday is coming soon..

AUGUST 2nd (:

16 days from now

i dunno what to say or do now..

one whole night..

i sit down here and read stories,crying and having flashbacks..

i wanted to live a happy life whereby i can be a kid..

talk like a kid..

act like a kid..

no worries..

and need not think about other stuffs..

one whole week im sooo free but im sooooooo down and sien..

sighhh..what's going on?


--ahjo's secret garden--