A piece of my mind

-Tears on the floor-


When other ppl's family is giving their child encouragements,
what did you guys give me?

When other ppl's family is comforting their child,
what did you guys do?

When they're busy telling their child "dont worry it'll be okayy",
what did you guys tell me?

Telling me that i'm not good enough for everything?
Telling me that i can get A for my language subjects?
Telling me the examiner marking my paper wont give me a good grade?
Telling me no need to study in university,stay at home?
Telling me i'm a loser?

Is that what you guys should do?
Running down me
Enjoying watching my mad and confused expressions?
Laughing at the essay contents i wrote for exam?
Start taunting me ever since SPM starts?
Doubting at your own family member's ability?
Smiling when you know i cant convince myself that i'm good enough?
Knowing that your words will trouble me whole day?
Looking at me shedding tears of anger and sadness and laugh inside your heart?
Is this what you want from me?

I know I'm not good enough
I know my essays SUCKS
I know to you i cant get good results
I know you think my wish to go overseas is only a dream
A dream that will never be accomplished

I worked so hard for wad?
Just to prove that I'm good. At least i used to think i'm good
Just to strive to secure a scholarship to study overseas
Just to let you guys know,without your support i can still survive

I kept on convincing myself that I'm good.
Telling myself to ignore the hurting words from you guys
But how can i trust myself anymore when you guys convinced me that I'm stupid and useless?
I maybe stupid,gullible and useless,
But why have you guys attack me with those words when I'm having my SPM?
Is that you fear that i get good grades that you can no longer run down me and your life will be full of boredom?
You criticize everything about me.
From my appearance to my studies and to my attitude.
Nothing of me ever pleased you.
MY family. Thinking that I'm useless,what would other people think about me then?
I know I never did things that pleased you guys.
Even with my studies you guys still wanna criticize.
and even the youngest family member in my family LAUGH AT ME.
I dont know whether I have enough strength to go through this.
Especially when SPM is going on.

:'( :'( :'( </3


--ahjo's secret garden--