words from me

you think that this is good for me..
so you bring me there and ask me to confess..
in the end,you want Him to handle this matter..
and you forced me..
to promise that i wont find milo anymore..
to say goodbye with the happy memories that i ever had..
you knew that by handing me over to Him i will have no choice but to break with milo..
and you even made me to promise that i wont think or meet milo anymore in front of Him..
you knew that..you knew everything..
yeah,everything huh?
you think that what you did is the best..
but..
instead..
you're killing my heart..
you're making me never to trust anyone anymore..
you've made me no feelings..
and you know that you are important person to me..
very very important person to me..
you are very sure that i wont want to hurt you anymore..
you know that i cant bear you to be sad
i cant bear you to be hurt once again..
and i also wont hurt milo..
you know that too well..
but if i really need to make a decision..
i know what is my decision already..
i wont hurt you once again but i also wont hurt him..
i know myself well..
the only way is...................
after i made this decision..
i will not be myself anymore..
i wont let any more guys come near me..
whether that guy is the chosen one or not..
i wont trust anyone anymore..
it doesnt stand a point there to let other people come near me,to trust them..
this should sound good to you..
as i finally know how to protect myself..
by showing no feelings towards people..
dont be sad or guilty or whatever..
you think that this is the best for me..
that's why i will make this decision..
dont worry..i will still study for you..
i will still continue my life for you..
but deep in my heart...
there's a scar..
and even time had past by..
it will still be painful..
as i leave because of you,not because i dont like milo anymore..
this part of my heart will never heal..
even if it does,i will never have a bf anymore,what to say a husband...............
when other guy hold my hand,it will remind me of milo..
when any guy chase me in future,it reminds me of milo..
i never will be in a relationship anymore after this.....
a part of me is broken and lost...
no one knew it..
you all think that this is the best to me.........
yes,it's the best for me............
the best.....................
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dad..
dont feel guilty..
it's not your fault that you're transferred to sibu..
it's not your fault that i betrayed you..
mum..
dont be sad about it anymore..
dont blame yourself..
you worked until 7pm 8 pm..
its not your fault too..
it's all my fault..
i didnt think far..
it is not because you neglect me
it is not because you dont care me
it is not because you did not watch over me well
it is NOT your fault..
it is mine..
my fault...
dad..mum..
i only want to say sorry..
i dont want to hurt you..
i never did intend to hurt you..
dont cry anymore..
i know you're disappointed and im sorry..
you never ever thought that i would betray you..
im sorry..
what i can say is only sorry sorry sorry..
daddy mummy,i do love you......
really i do.......
sorry.....
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